Belarus: the great secret of teddy bears

I basically support Lithuanian president Grybauskaite’s policy towards Belarus. That

is, I think, that in spite of the fact this country is led by a sovhoz head who turned into ice hockey player, closure and isolation is not the best way to promote democracy and understanding that life is sovhoz is good only for its head and chief zoologist (if cows happen to be fertile)  and agronomist (if potatoes germinate well).

I voice for communication. Immediate, continuous and with minimal restrictions. I know that many in Lithuania would not stand for such an attitude. That would be especially true talking about Lithuania’s real patriots, whose names should not be mentioned here as they had been  repeatedly mentioned here.

It is those real patriots for who it would be enough to hear the sound of Russian language or to see the portrait of Lukashenko to have their their joints twisted (and stomach too), attacked by migraine (although usually to have a migraine one first must have brains) and begin to sweep fever (in fact it’s usually just a hangover). And all this despite the fact that the majority of those real patriots smoke cigarettes smuggled in from Belarus, pour diesel coming the same way into their better than the neighbor’s car tanks and treat their fever with the help of  „Zelionaja marka“ or kind of mixture, travelling the same way into Lithuania.  They are in fact true patriots of Lithuania, making sacrifices to protect their fellow citizens from the evil by stretching out their chests, stomachs and wallets.

I’m not like that. In that sense – not a patriot. Just yesterday I was reading one Russian website, “Tretja imperija” is lying unread besides my bed, „and Colonel Vasin with his young wife to me so far sounds as beautiful as 20 years ago.

Here it mus be also noted that lessons from the world (Cuba, for example) suggest that communication has a positive effect on the countries, which for hell knows what reasons title itselfs „republics“ or „democracies“.

Therefore, in support with the President of Lithuania policy towards Belarus, I decided to contribute to its implementation.

I was already tired  to constantly hear how beautiful and safe Minsk city is and what a splendid night life it has, so I have decided to communicate. That is pay  teddy bear  a visit to his lair.

First of all, I found a very good internet site where you can rent a decent apartment in Minsk at a reasonable price (I love to make coffee in the morning myself) . I wrote, I said what I want, we agreed on dates. I found out that the train to Minsk rides just four hours, and the price .. It would be obscene to name it as I shall loose status (those with status always pay much more).

What remained looked like a trifle – to get a visa. I hate queuing so I commissioned  this operation to one of the travel agencies (enabling it with name, address and phone, which I received from a Minsk apartment’s landlord).

And here it showed why the teddy bears are amiss. Well, the reason is very simple – because their brains are plush.

My passport was returned to me. There was no visa in it, instead it had an ugly stamp which did not at all remind neither teddy bear nor ice hockey puck.  When I tried to examine why it happened, first I was told that teddy bears do not explain anything. Later, however, teddy bears secrets were revealed to me. It turned out, that I had applied for a private rather than a tourist visa, and in order to get it, I definitely needed an official invitation from a person, whom I pointed in my visa application and whom I never seen in my life ( I think I should have asked his picture at least while we were negotiating the price). That was the first secret.

Soon the second great secret came out: if I do go to Belarus without an official invitation, who then be responsible for me while I am there? Well, for example if I walk down the street in Minsk in the middle of the day and teddy bear falls from blue skies straight on my head ? Or if I suddenly clap my hands in wonder and delight after seeing the palace of former sovhoz head? Who then be held responsible? Right – nobody. After all, who could think that I may be responsible for myself?

Therefore, the luck turned its face towards me and the third teddy bears secret was revealed: I must live in a hotel and a trip to Minsk has to be organized through the travel agency in Belarus. I also learned that maybe it would be even good to choose another dates for my visit to Minsk. I ventured to inquire whether some opposition campaigns are planned by the government on those particular days as I thought it would be quite interesting to see how democracy works in real life. The teddy bear’s visage prompted that my question will for sure be sorted out and I realized with relief that knitting and hockey classes will be safe as never during the days I planned to visit Minsk.

But since I am supporter of the President of the Republic of Lithuania policy towards Belarus, I followed the advice: I found a travel agency organizing trips to Belarus, reserved a hotel in Minsk and once again filled the application for a visa. I promised myself that I will leave my old brown bag at home so that no one will perceive that it looks like a teddy bear. Instead I decided to change it to a blue suitcase, which is nowhere near the teddy bear.

It did not last long: on the same day I received a call from the agency saying that I can pick up my passport. And my picture too. Passport did not have that ugly stamp. But it did not have visa either. Money, I paid for visa was gone too.

And no more secretswere revealed this time.

But I’m not stupid and understood. The biggest teddy bears country’s secret is that plush bears have no brain. And what is brain needed for? Right – to process external signals, to work them up, evaluate and propose decisions.

When the brain is absent, the signals are coming, but there is no instrument to process them. Therefore, plush bears get lost: they are scared because they do not understand why I want to come to Minsk. Their empty plush heads collect the signals, watch at multicolored lights and computer monitors, and although nothing shows signs of any real danger, their hands tremble, tails quiver and ears gravitate.

If their heads had at least milligram of brain (albeit plush), they might allow themselves to think that maybe it’s not so bad if I leave the beautiful capital city of Minsk a few hundred dollars (after having exchanged them into few million teddy rubles). Just because I have to live somewhere, eat somewhere, and because I had even selected one of several night clubs (an expression of democracy) to visit.

If those gravitated ears would had covered the gray substance of at least one teddy ruble value, the bears, if they wish, could pour some clofelin into my glass at the night club and organize a photo session with some semi-dressed plush teddy bear or fox. Or – taking into account my love to thick-skulled intelectuals – to create a situation provoking for seat kicking. Of course, my status does not allow to expect for high coverage, but maybe kind of Siauliai or Kedainiai TV would report it as an actuality. Belarus state TV for sure would.

But teddy bears, as we all now know, have no brain. Therefore, they are plush and that’s why they are scared. They can not understand what they are afraid of and why they should be afraid of the forest, where no animals, except for a teddy bear pasture and breed.

I feell sorry for the people who live in the teddy bears woods, but in general probably all to the good. The thing is that in the absence of the brain that is able to process outside signals, it is likely that teddy bears, who live in constant fear  one day will start to be be afraid of themselves. They then wring wool which is stuffed in their heads by themselves.

Belarus people then will have just to observe how tatters strew the former  sovchoz lands and then sweep everything clean and discarded.

For some reason I believe that I will live to see how it happens. Maybe it is because I personally learned the great secret of teddy bears.
P.S. I hope that my monetary contribution to the teddy bears budget will be used for its intended purpose. That is at least some ten kilograms of brain (may be pigs and even cooked) should be available for the amount I donated to get that ugly stamp in my beautiful passport.

(Dar neįvertinta)